Memo for Blakeley

A memo for Blakeley- 

Blakeley, I want you to know that your Mom loves you, I hate that on Saturday's we don't get to go to the park with your friends, I hate that this year we didn't get to go to the pumpkin patch, I hate that you have missed out on Birthday Parties, I hate that I didn't know your schools Thanksgiving Party was today, I hate that I don't have a copy of your first school picture, I hate that I have to hear/ read about things that goes on with your dad and his girlfriend, I hate the fact that she gets to enjoy your company on the weekends while im working. I want you to know that the reason we never got to do any of this stuff was because mommy was working to provide for you. I never want you to think we just weren't doing this stuff just because. Mommy was working to provide for you and make sure that your school and way of living was paid for. I'm writing this tonight, as I lay in bed thinking about the work I have to do tomorrow.... Looking at facebook and everything everyone will be doing this weekend. Wondering how nice it would be if you and I could go do that stuff on a Saturday. Mommy can't depend on ANYONE to help her, I have to go out and do it on my own... As I hope you will one day... Under different circumstances. I hope that your Saturday's are filled with fun and laughter with your dad, I can only wish that you adore his girlfriend and that she feels the same about you. I can only hope that they will stay together in the long haul seeing as she is around you more than I am sometimes. I can only hope that one day they could put themselves in my shoes to see what I sacrifice for us. I can only hope that one day you are not resentful of me for the things you missed out on while mommy was at work. I am writing this in my blog so that one day if that does happen I can show you this. I hope life doesn't stay this difficult for long, but someone has got to provide for the family, and that is me. I love you Blakeley, don't ever forget that. The nights we do get to spend together, I cherish... I would never put someone before you, NEVER. I would never leave you under someone elses care just because. The time I have with you is golden, always know that. I wish others wouldn't take that for-granted.

Love you angel,

Mommy

Hard times, what people never talk about....

     The purpose of my blog is to talk about what is going on in my life, rather it be the good, bad or ugly. That IS the purpose of this.... So years from now I can look back and see what made me the woman I am. My blogs might piss some of you off at times, I don't really care. Its my blog, my feelings, my life. Today's blog will not be so upbeat and fun, I do try to keep my blogs all happy go lucky but recently I feel that writing this will help get all of my anger out. Those of you that know me (if you don't- I dont understand why you are reading my blog in the first place), know that I don't put up with a lot of b.s. and that I can come across very harsh at times. I couldn't really tell you why I am that way. I can take a lot for a girl- you can throw stones at me all day and it wont hurt my feelings a bit. This is a good thing most of the time, but sometimes its not. People- even some of my best friends think that I can take anything, that's not the case...EVERYONE has their breaking point... 

    At times I will go to my friends with problems, most of the time I don't. Why?... Because everyone has a opinion, everyone thinks they know the solution to my problem, everyone can relate, and everyone has been there or done that.... That's one reason why I love this blog, yeah you can comment but I don't have to listen to everyone's OPINION all day. Don't get me wrong I know my friends are just trying to help, but in retrospective no one knows EXACTLY how I am feeling. It would be nice for someone to say "ya that sucks to hear, hope it gets better" rather than "well you should do this, or you should do that." BLAH. Everything going on in my life all seems to come crashing down at once... When it rains, it poors.... right. Currently what I have been doing the past month: Moving to a new place, working two jobs, and moving my store to a new place as well. Am I asking for a sympathy card? No I hate it when people try to comfort me, makes my skin curl... That's one reason why you NEVER see me cry in public. But a simple "hey your doing a really good job" would be nice. Let's put it this way, I'm only 20yrs old.... A "normal" 20 year old is in college, sleeping in late, going to school if they "feel" like it, living off of their parents- I know some people don't but a lot do- going out blowing money on expensive ass drinks, not having a care in the world. My day consists of waking up at 6:30am every morning (with the exception of Monday which is a 5:30am) to get myself and Blakeley ready for school/ work. I drop Bebe off, then head to TOC where I work until 2pm. I meet Hunter get Bebe then go onto my second job running The Doodle Bug. Most people have the weekends off but not me ;) Friday, Saturday, and Sundays I am keeping The Doodle Bug up and bumpin'. Technically I do not have a day off, but since I am the sole provider for Blakeley I HAVE to do whatever it takes to make sure she is taken care of. I wouldn't have it any other way, I love knowing that I am the one that is really providing for her, yes it would be nice to have some help here and there but I like the challenge- even tho is sucks sometimes, I'm up for it. I do LOVE my new 2nd job and of coarse THE DOODLE BUG is AMAZING! I love seeing how excited the kids get when the see the store and come in to paint. Life might be hard right now, but there IS a reason for everything. I know God just didn't put me in this predicament for the heck of it, he has a plan for Blakeley and I. I look forward to seeing what the future has in-store for us!


On a Lighter Note!....
 
       Between the 2 moves Halloween managed to creep up on me. Blakeley was a Toddler and Tiara, and the best looking one if I do say so myself! From her baby wig, to her 10in' long lashes she was stylin' and profiln' :) I managed to get a great picture of her before her Fall Festival at school!
The night of Halloween I didn't get that many pictures, Bebe was not in a fab mood! Since I am momma bear it's my job to make sure that little one goes to everyone's casa so there wasn't that much "trick or treating" it was mainly mommy driving all over the town to please everyone... It would be nice if everyone could just hang in one place for JUST ONE NIGHT! But that would be to easy.. But besides that Bebe did get some yummy candy, got to hang with her besties, and even my friend Victoria and her little fam came to see us as well! Over all it was a good time :)


With everything going on in my life, I'm ecstatic about my big 21st Birthday that is this weekend! I know that this will be the year for a fresh start, new beginnings, and to get rid of all the b.s. in my life :) I can't wait for my new year to start!


Cheers to that!