Memo for Blakeley

A memo for Blakeley- 

Blakeley, I want you to know that your Mom loves you, I hate that on Saturday's we don't get to go to the park with your friends, I hate that this year we didn't get to go to the pumpkin patch, I hate that you have missed out on Birthday Parties, I hate that I didn't know your schools Thanksgiving Party was today, I hate that I don't have a copy of your first school picture, I hate that I have to hear/ read about things that goes on with your dad and his girlfriend, I hate the fact that she gets to enjoy your company on the weekends while im working. I want you to know that the reason we never got to do any of this stuff was because mommy was working to provide for you. I never want you to think we just weren't doing this stuff just because. Mommy was working to provide for you and make sure that your school and way of living was paid for. I'm writing this tonight, as I lay in bed thinking about the work I have to do tomorrow.... Looking at facebook and everything everyone will be doing this weekend. Wondering how nice it would be if you and I could go do that stuff on a Saturday. Mommy can't depend on ANYONE to help her, I have to go out and do it on my own... As I hope you will one day... Under different circumstances. I hope that your Saturday's are filled with fun and laughter with your dad, I can only wish that you adore his girlfriend and that she feels the same about you. I can only hope that they will stay together in the long haul seeing as she is around you more than I am sometimes. I can only hope that one day they could put themselves in my shoes to see what I sacrifice for us. I can only hope that one day you are not resentful of me for the things you missed out on while mommy was at work. I am writing this in my blog so that one day if that does happen I can show you this. I hope life doesn't stay this difficult for long, but someone has got to provide for the family, and that is me. I love you Blakeley, don't ever forget that. The nights we do get to spend together, I cherish... I would never put someone before you, NEVER. I would never leave you under someone elses care just because. The time I have with you is golden, always know that. I wish others wouldn't take that for-granted.

Love you angel,

Mommy